COUPLE TO SELL NAMING RIGHTS

It's worked for stadiums and amphitheaters, so why not regular folks? Now a local couple has announced that they'll be selling naming rights to their upcoming child. The Enquirer has just learned that an agent for parents-to-be Mike and Lori Schneider has begun soliciting bids from major corporations eager to affix their moniker to the bundle of joy.

In a written statement, the couple said, "This is going to be done tastefully. Bidders are being prequalified to assure acceptability. We won't allow our child to be named Preparation H or Trojan." Unofficial sources report that the top name contenders are currently Kodak Schneider and TD Waterhouse Schneider.

Also unprecedented is the handling of this bidding on internet auction site eBay, done to expand the potential bidding audience. Bidders will be able to use the PayPal credit card service, simplifying the process for everyone involved, except the baby. As one source pointed out, the baby doesn't have much to do anyhow.

When asked to comment, proud papa Mike said, "Yippee! I'm going to buy a boat!"