Has Your Cat Been Using Your Computer?

Shocking new evidence confirms your wildest nightmares!

New evidence has revealed that, while American humans are off at work, our pets have begun to use our computers. New data released by the Animal X-Files indicates that the coincidence of evolution and improving computer technology has made animal computing a reality. According to AXF spokesman Bear Muldoni, "Cats have been the fastest to catch on, primarily due to that whole curiosity thing. In fact, here at AXF we have a saying, 'Curiosity connected the cat.' Their natural attraction to the mouse helps also." Initially attracted by the whining of the CPU fans, cats have now achieved sophisticated web page design, with animation, interactive features, and a high level of security and encryption. Says Muldoni, "These sites are extremely difficult to access if you're not a cat. They are really working to keep humans out."

Although dogs have been slower to catch on, AXF now believes that they have several "relatively substantial" lines of evidence for canine web surfing. Hamsters have lagged badly because, "well, frankly, the mouse is bigger than they are."

If you suspect that your pet has been using your computer, the AXF suggests that you watch for the following signs:

• Whiskers in your keyboard
• Drool and tooth marks on your mouse
• Your cat beginning to treat you like you're an idiot
• Windows system sounds reset to rodent noises and things too high-pitched for you to hear
• Evidence that someone has been downloading kitty porn to your hard drive.

If you're sure your cat has become digitally literate, don't confront him or her. The animal will convincingly deny everything. You can try putting password protection on your screen saver, then search the house carefully to make sure your pet hasn't stashed a boot disk anywhere. However, your chances of success are small, and the AXF recommends that you just accept it.